>My Misery

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It been 6 months since I saw who I really am and what I really represent. I don´t know if that was just the illusion of me or it is the ¨real¨ Dennis…Right now I am utterly worthless my brother-in-law is pissed with me, My mother doesn´t trust me anymore. I am what she and papa call..¨Matalinong – BOBO¨..or ¨wala common-Sense.¨…I am still in a state of apathy …for the reason that I hope I may not feel the pain…the pain of being misunderstood, the pain of being betrayed by the one you love, the feeling of drenched in loneliness…I may be disturbed as what my mother observed. I don´t know what disturbs me if its true that  I´m Disturbed…I try to keep myself busy like going to the gym more often and try to make something out of myself…I lack the motivation in my studies..I know that I have everything laid before me. Everything I need to achieve an honor in academics, except the motivation..I really want to study at home but I don´t think that itś possible with all the noise and the ambiance of the house doesn´t help either..One example is my parents…I really noticed that mother is really cold at my father…My father has a broken Pride..Maybe it´s because my mother provided for us for a couple of years without the help of my father. My father on the other hand has a broken Pride…I can feel that he is doing his best in reclaiming his pride as a Father, a husband and the bread-winner of the family…..Maybe thats  why at school I smile a lot and confident about myself..I actually feel I´m someone who can do things right..Insults rains at me at home…well most of them are my fault I admit that…I know they´re just trying to make me a better person…But I don´t think comparing me to what they´ve been through in the past and pressuring me to their expectations. Why can´t I have expectations for myself?Is my tech-frenzy a hindrance ?Is it the reason I´m not doing things I´m suppose to do?Should I do away with this tech-frenzy?…but that will only make me an ignorant in my own field…could anyone save me from this predicament I am in?I call myself a knight but I am a disgrace to my own court…