next in line breadwinner

Ever felt that you want to stay in eternal slumber so that you don’t have to face the reality that you must carry as you open your eyes? Burden that was passed on to you because siblings before you escaped that responsibility.

Pressured to do everything at your finest. Failure is not an option. Then I realize in the real world , it is what is expected of you. They won’t acknowledge your significant good work , instead your tiniest mistake is like a black speck in white paper. An intriguing view of people. You are expected to be a perfect person so that their reputation as parents and individuals will not be tarnished by their incompetent offspring. You are not think about happy-go-lucky thoughts by now. Shouldn’t be playing games but instead focus on graduating and finding a Job that will provide more than what you’re elder siblings . Finance the tuition of your younger sibling. Provide them What your father failed to provide in the past years. Frankly speaking I didn’t enjoy my highschool and college. At a young age I was told that I was the next breadwinner for the family. The last hope. What an absurd thing to tell a child. There is a raging battle inside of me. To enjoy life as it should be or to work and think of ways to provide for your parents and other older siblings. I am in a state of confusion and distress. I could never be like my parents . They keep on ranting that when they were my age they could balance everything. They could do anything in the finest sense. I am not perfect.

to be continued

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a spark of hope in the darkness

A spark of hope can ignite a rocket of dreams, a shed of light can brighten the darkness. Life is full of struggles that puts us down and leaves us in the darkness of despair. When we fall we are engulfed with doubts. We can’t even have confidence in ourselves during these times. But it is also innate in us to fight even with just a glimmer of hope left, even if voices tell us that its futile to push forward and take one more shot.

This is an interesting trait of every human being. It is innate but it can also be dormant. We have that inside but we are also blessed Or cursed with “choice. We have a choice to hold on to that minute piece of light, we also have a choice of letting it go and just go with flow and be content on where we drift to. Ironically most of us choose the latter part. Its like having a feature packed phone and just use 1% of its features. We humans are gifted with capabilities and skills that that is second only to God almighty. We just need to pick up these tools and start doing something . It doesn’t really matter if its small or big.

Consistent Random Thoughts

Every second you decide on something, consciously and unconscious. It follows a pattern uniquely design just for you. Each decision contributes to the description of your character as a person.

I’m a man who “Consistently thinks of random thoughts” yes it’s like an oxymoron, but there are no other words that come to me to describe such feeling. Random thoughts fill my mind as I walk for a series of errands. Dazed as I am now random thoughts gush from my head. Then I realize, random thoughts aren’t really random. It’s a message from your subconscious. Telling you of thoughts that you are thinking at the back of your head while you decided things through out the day. It bugs you with a feeling of weariness if your Morals are against your decision a while a go. Pumps you when your passion kicks in. Maybe its what they call the “gut feeling”. Your prior decisions will always influence your next choice. A pattern, a train of thought. If you break that path you are tracing, subconsciously you are revolting against your own decision. You may think it’s crazy but try thinking about it. Likely things aren’t made randomly or in a spur of the moment.

Each decision is result of the previous one. There is no such thing as random. It may look random to others but inside you there is a connection. You may not fully grasp what does it have go do with the current topic at hand but trust your gut.. It has something., but of course always be discrete and mindful of your environment or you’ll look like a fool in people’s eyes. Well I always do but that’s Me not you. Don’t be afraid to let your mind roam, that may be your subconscious telling you SOMETHING